Happy 10 month Birthday, Gia!!
Today has been bittersweet.
Knowing that Gia is ours and today is a special day for her but not being able to share it is heart-breaking. I'm sure we will miss her 1 year birthday too. We knew this was part of the journey, but just because you know something in your head doesn't mean your heart is on board.
I say this all the time, and I'll say it again: I just don't know how people do something like this without faith in God. During our years of infertility I clung for dear life to this verse...
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait on the Lord."
We have seen the goodness of the Lord through this adoption, and now we are in the waiting stage. Everyone's #1 question (including mine!) is When do you go get her? I always respond with We are in that 6-9 month waiting period. What exactly are we waiting on? The "right" answer is that we need EP quotas to reset and her papers to be processed. The real answer is we are waiting on God. His timing has NEVER been on target with mine. I didn't get married when I thought I would, I didn't get a job when I thought I would, Kevin's job wasn't what we planned, our biological clocks didn't work like we thought, and so on... I promise, we are living proof that God has bigger and better plans.
So, I rest in Psalm 27 through this adoption as well. How can you live having no faith when everything around you seems to be spinning out of control? I pray that God uses our journey and this blog to prick the hearts of some of the people reading. I want our journey to be so much more than just "yeah, they got that cute little baby." This is about GOD. Yes, He loves adoption, but I need our story to tell the truth of His life, death, and resurrection too. I need people to see that we absolutely cannot do this without Him. I'm not speaking strictly in terms of finances, though we are relying on Him for that too, but about the emotional side that has no black and white answers. This road is hard. It's not fun. There are glimmers of hope that we hold on to, and those glimmers are from the Lord. I'm convinced He lets us see those moments so we know He is still with us. More than that, He's in the dark and sad spots of this journey too. How could we worship a God that wasn't involved in the bad stuff? I need Him in those times more desperately! God knew that today would be bittersweet. In fact, He made it bittersweet for me. He didn't do it to be mean and hateful, but to show me His peace and love. He gave me this bittersweet day to remind me to rest in Him, not Gia. HE is my salvation, not a baby. HE is my priority, not a family. I say those truths as a reminder, because Lord knows it's not easy to live out.
So, happy birthday Gia. And praise be to GOD for blessing us with a precious child that He picked just for us that we haven't met yet. I cannot wait to be her mommy. Until then, I'll trust in God that He's making me the Mom that Gia needs.