The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Yesterday we received the much anticipated call from Holt about Baby. There were three families interested in her, and we knew the other families were just as, if not more, qualified as us. And the committee's decision was to place the sweet baby with one of the other families. That was a crushing phone call to get. Kevin said earlier that day that if we were denied it would feel as though she died. And it did. And it felt like a part of us died too. Once we were alone we pulled over to the side of the road and just cried. We're all about the honesty here. :) We had a ton of people praying for us and we quickly updated them all via text or email about the result. Neither of us was in any kind of good shape to talk to other people. I had to turn my phone on vibrate to avoid all the responses. I was definitely grateful to know people were on our side and immediately offering comfort and support, but honestly all I wanted was to hear someone say Man, that stinks. Of course, our friends and family are too good for that and instead we were fed truth. I cannot thank you all enough for not falling into my selfish little pity party. I always need truth spoken into my life, even when it hurts to hear it.
So where does that leave us today? Well, I can't really speak for Kevin (he's out camping, not with me) but I am about a million times better. I knew I'd bounce back, just didn't know it would be within a few hours. Today was going to be a day out on the town with my sister and I seriously went to bed last night wondering if I'd even be a good hang out person. Turns out, I was! A friend of mine emailed first thing today and asked how I was doing and the Lord immediately brought to mind the Lamentations verse. His mercies are truly new every morning.
I know what we went through is so minor when compared to other situations we know of. Please know that I'm not trying to water those down in any way. For us, this was hard. In a year from now, we may go through something completely devastating and laugh at this. But right now for us, this was the benchmark. Thank you for recognizing that with us. I must say, God did not give me a huge dose of compassion, so it always amazes me when I meet people that are really in tune with how to comfort and read other people. Thank you for comforting us. I think if I had been in your shoes, I would have thought Oh, well they didn't get this kid. No big deal, there's always next time! Thank you for not doing that.
My dad asked me what our next step was. I don't know. We obviously are still walking down the adoption road and have every intention to find another little baby to love on. Maybe that will be this week, maybe not. I said in a previous post that I'd always imagined myself as one to share a pregnancy from the start and I'm going to continue doing that. Once we have another baby to seek out, I'll let ya know. :)
My focus is now on the Christ City Church first annual 5K Orphan Run coming in November. Be on the lookout for more info. It's gonna be great!